


Death Meets Kuroko Tetsuya

by IthacaontheMove



Series: Death's Misadventures with Misdirection [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9387260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IthacaontheMove/pseuds/IthacaontheMove
Summary: Misdirection taken to its logical conclusion.





	

As it turns out, misdirection worked on Death.

Kuroko Tetsuya was in no position to know this, having been on his deathbed for the past twenty or so years.

By the time Death figured out what was going on, Death had accidentally reaped four separate souls—two unsuspecting nurses, a fish placed in a fancy-looking bowl by Kuroko Tetsuya’s bedside, and a crow unfortunate enough to be taking shelter from the rain on the window ledge outside the hospital room—but none of them were Kuroko Tetsuya’s. The paperwork to return them would be a nightmare.

Death had thought it a defective scythe at first, a wake-up call to take better care of Death’s weapon of choice. Then, Kuroko Tetsuya’s soul blurred in front of Death’s eyes. Death had always had perfect vision so such sensations were a novelty to Death.

“Death does not understand,” Death muttered to Kuroko Tetsuya, except it was actually a well-groomed bouquet. “This has never happened to Death before.”

Death had never had cause to become emotional. This was more the realm of humans, who demonstrated such a large, unsightly spectrum of them, much to Death’s (and their own, Death imagined) mystification. Death did not feel what the humans would call anger or its lesser counterparts annoyance and dissatisfaction.

Humans often reacted in this fashion to Death. Since they were terrible at communicating with any subtlety, Death thought to get his point across this way, and pointed a fierce glare at Kuroko Tetsuya.

The bones in Death’s face, unused to such abuse, groaned and creaked and protested. Death did not understand how humans moved their faces in such a way. Death kept at it, though, making sure to give it Death’s best shot, as Death took his job very seriously.

The curtains by the bedside, being inanimate objects, were unperturbed by Death’s angry expression.

Death leaned on the scythe, dispirited. “How could this be? Death has completed every job before Death for countless centuries only to come this far and fail now?”

As Death bemoaned Death’s fate, inspiration struck. Death would simply reap all the souls on this floor and sort out Kuroko Tetsuya’s later. This would add more paperwork to Death’s already growing pile, but Death was determined now.

Death’s mind made up, Death turned around to begin and heard a voice from behind Death.

“Ah, excuse me.”

Death whirled around in a fashion Death knew would make his black cloak flare out around him. Few humans appreciated the efforts that went into appearances.

Standing there was Kuroko Tetsuya’s soul, an ancient-looking man who looked like he was attempting to bow. Death waved his hands frantically, afraid the twisted spine holding Kuroko Tetsuya up would snap. Luckily, this human understood Death’s more subtle style of communication and ceased his actions. “Kuroko Tetsuya,” Death intoned ominously. “You are late for your reaping. Where have you been?”

Kuroko Tetsuya’s face didn’t change expression at all. Death was a bit put out by this. “I’ve been standing here the whole time.”

“Th—The whole time?” Death thought frantically over Death’s past actions. Had Death done something stupid while Kuroko Tetsuya was standing there? Death wanted to believe Death had remained the epitome of professionalism throughout this ordeal, but was not sure that was the case.

“Yes. As you can imagine, I was quite surprised to find myself outside my body.” Before Death could reply, Kuroko Tetsuya continued relentlessly, his tone taking on an admonishing note. “Let alone finding a strange skeleton in an overly long black robe holding a weapon in a hospital.”

Death glanced at Death’s scythe, which seemed to droop under the criticism. Death tried to explain Death’s self. “Death is often around hospitals and no one can see Death—”

“I see.” Somehow Kuroko Tetsuya was managing to convey disapproval without his face moving a muscle. “So you believe that it is appropriate behavior to carry sharp objects around vulnerable patients because no one can see you. Following this line of reasoning, you must also believe it appropriate to wear this attire because no one can see you.”

Death drew his cloak defensively around Death. “Death has other clothes. These are Death’s work clothes.”

“I understand. You must work at a very laid-back place for them to allow it.”

Death did not think Death was getting Death’s point across. “No, no, the place Death works is very demanding. There’s enough paperwork to fill this room and just as many careless reapers neglecting their duties.”

Kuroko Tetsuya nodded. “It must be difficult to work for a boss who does not respect himself enough to follow society’s rules.”

Death was struck speechless. An awkward silence descended. Death tried not to fidget and made sure Death’s back was as straight as could be.

Kuroko Tetsuya appeared to be waiting for something. After some time had passed, Kuroko Tetsuya let out a barely audible sigh and, ignoring his blatant hypocrisy, said. “It is polite in these situations to introduce yourself.”

Death had never had to introduce Death’s self before, Death thought as Death bowed. “Death is Death. Death has come here to reap the soul of Kuroko Tetsuya.”

Kuroko Tetsuya bowed as well. “It’s nice to meet you, Death-san. My name is Kuroko Tetsuya.”

“Just Death is fine.”

Another moment of silence passed and Kuroko Tetsuya was still bowing. Did he think if he showed Death enough respect, Death wouldn’t reap his soul?

“Death-san.” Death jumped as Kuroko Tetsuya spoke again.

“Y—Yes? And Death told Kuroko Tetsuya just Death is fine with Death.”

“Death-san, could you please either reap my soul or help me? My back seems to be stuck in this position.”

“Death is sorry!” Death knew bowing was a bad idea. Death helped Kuroko Tetsuya straighten.

“Would you like some tea?” Kuroko Tetsuya asked Death after he was upright again, ignoring the fact that souls could not touch objects in the living world and moving to the tea set someone had set up on the tiny table that held the flowers and fishbowl.

Death accepted the cup and sipped automatically; and Death kept sipping under Kuroko Tetsuya’s watchful gaze even as the liquid ran down Death’s bones and soaked Death’s cloak, causing it to stick in awkward places.

“Are you alright, Death-san? Is the tea to your satisfaction?” Death did not want Kuroko Tetsuya to find out about the tea, so Death stood up rapidly and brandished his scythe.

“Death must reap your soul now,” Death said, trying to convey Death’s regret, the first time Death had done so since Death began this job.

“I will make no trouble for Death-san. I have lived a long life, after all.” Kuroko Tetsuya sat there, waiting with his tea.

Death brought down Death’s scythe, which seemed heavier than usual. And hesitated. “Would Kuroko Tetsuya like to work for me instead?”

Kuroko Tetsuya’s sharp eyes took in Death’s soaked clothes, the trembling of Death’s bony arm, and the carefully rearranged angry bones on Death’s face. “What does Death-san have in mind?”


End file.
